I was staying out of town with some friends and they invited me after our concert to attend a potluck at a farm where they had priorly attended a birthday party for a goat named Flowers. I love farms and animals so it sounded relaxing. There was going to be a big bon fire and kids running around. It all sounded very idyllic. “By the way,” she said, “they’re vegan so you’ll have to eat before or bring your own food.” Later as I was en route she said, “Actually, you’ll need to eat before. They are pretty strict about it.” OK, no problem. I already had my mouth full of a bite of overdone London Broil.
Her husband and I arrived later, as we were coming from the concert, and upon approaching the owner grilling up some veggie burgers, my friend blurts out, “This is my friend Christi. She won’t be eating with us tonight because she is on a very special diet. She only eats one ingredient: beef.” I am already laughing inside at this situation. This is hilarious. I have no reason to be contentious when I am the guest and I have full power to either attend or not attend the potluck, but since my friend honestly and simply described my situation with no intention to offend letting the “strict” vegan know I only eat flesh, I found this to be a notable way to start the evening. ” “Oh dear,” I thought, “This is quite the introduction.” The man was very gracious to me and perhaps thought my friend’s statement was a poor joke, or maybe he just chose to be hospitable, but I couldn’t help but feel awkward.
I went inside the building where the food was laid out to get a drink of water and I discovered the true purpose of the farm. This farm was primarily a refuge for animals to keep them from being slaughtered for food. There was much literature on “compassionate eating” and vegan recipes and pamphlets like “why vegan?” But the full intensity of the owners’ ideology sunk in when I read that they are currently attempting to raise $2000 a month to support cows to come and live and graze on their farm (without being consumed or giving milk.) In other words please help rescue cows from being eaten and pay their rent.
It is obviously a losing effort to save the world’s cows from being eaten, but part of me admires their devotion to an impossible cause and sticking with it anyway. On the other hand I think that raising $2000 a month to send cows to starving villages in Africa would be a better use of the money. But that is how it often is. Whenever money is being talked about we or others think how the money could be used better. I give money to a dog sanctuary in Costa Rica and I’m sure some would say it is better to support a hungry child each month than a hungry dog. But the world has many problems and they all need to be addressed. Sometimes we don’t pick the most urgent or dire problems to attend to, but is our hearts which choose indiscriminately.
So we hung out a bit, looked inside their yurt, took a little walk, and sat under the lanterns hanging in the trees. It wasn’t a bad way to spend an evening. There was laughing coming from the porch where a bunch of adults and kids were playing Uno, the hot sticky North Carolina air hugging you too close. We left and as I was lying in my bed I laughed out loud, I eating only beef showed up at a save the cows animal refuge. How ironic.
I can’t fault the passionate vegans for wanting to save the cows. I don’t agree with it OBVIOUSLY, but they seemed gracious and are trying to make a difference peaceably about that which they care about. I do think our mass farming practices are abhorrent in this country and I loathe cruel treatment of animals. I wish I did not have to eat animals at all, but I don’t believe I could be healthy without it. I think that there are alternatives to eating animals from mass produced commercial farms that are sustainable to the environment and humane to the animals, but I can understand that some people would skip this and go straight to not consuming animals at all.
But in actuality I don’t know if we were both honest if it would be possible to get along at a deeper level with each other, the owners and me. I know how upset I become when a friend dismisses the need for better farming practices and worse treating animals with undue harm. Though I try to make careful decisions about what meat I eat when I have the option I know that for someone who believes that animals should not be eaten at all could harbor incredible judgement for someone like me.
Also I contemplate, wondering if there are ramifications for devoting your life to something that if carried out to the global extreme would have profoundly negative consequences. I believe that if the world didn’t eat animals many people would get very sick; on the other hand if the entire world only ate cows like I do there would not be enough cows. That is why I am not religious about it or think it is a good global idea.
I also don’t think that simply being a compassionate person is equivalent with being a good person and sometimes compassion can lead to negative illogical consequences. I wonder about insidious consequences of extreme “empathy ideology” like reasoning and bargaining with children at the expense of needed boundaries and teaching them to mind their parents. I have witnessed wild children screaming and punching, hurting others because the parents were practicing “empathy,” and children that can’t go to bed on their own because parents don’t want them to cry and be scared even well past an age that the child has the ability to confront the darkness. Sometimes it is compassion which keeps us putting up with bad behavior in others for far too long instead of calling them out on it.
Sometimes compassion creates weakness in others because it originates in ourselves. We can’t let go and thus keep others from developing the strength required to deal with the world. It requires wisdom to know when something or someone is vulnerable needing protection and when something or someone needs to be allowed to grow.
Compassion can keep someone from sharing advice with a friend which needs to be heard for fear of hurting their feelings. Compassion can keep us from standing for the truth in public for the same reason. I don’t think that compassion is typically something we have thought we need to keep an eye on, but just as aggression needs to be watched, so does compassion, for compassion can often be masking fear and weakness and our own inability to confront and wrestle with reality. Of course true compassion is combined with wisdom, is not willfully blind and acts out of strength.
In sum, I don’t think that the farm has any negative consequences as long as those involved do not propagate the “compassion shaming” that is the m.o. of the day. Often today others engage in “empathetic” behavior or viewpoint and they shame us for disagreeing. “Only a monster would disagree with such a compassionate viewpoint.” Then those that dissent cower in a corner feeling like a horrible person for having an “oppressive” view point, bite their tongue in fear, shrug their shoulders for the losing battle, or rage inside for the world losing their minds. Or maybe a strong someone speaks up.
As long as people do not feel shamed for eating animals and speak up for themselves when necessary (not when you’re invited to a vegan potluck at an animal refuge) everything is fine. People pursuing non-violent ideologies can and should exist peaceably in the world along someone with a contrasting view, as long as those who are not engaging in “compassionate” behavior are not shamed into silence. Obviously on both sides we need to examine our beliefs and continue to refine them, change them when necessary, but it is up to those who disagree to stand up for their own viewpoints and refuse to be shamed in order for there to be a continued free dialogue among humanity.
Gonna Get Well 